Burns & Allen Transcript: Kill the Rat (1947-03-13) April 18, 2019

The year is 1947, and Gracie Allen is still way too into The Tall Man, starring Rudy and Trudy — a charmingly deadpan parody of The Thin Man‘s Nick and Nora.

In this direct sequel to Gracie Takes Up Crime Solving, Gracie believes there’s a hit out on George…and tracks down the real Rudy and Trudy for help. Because actors are always just like the caricatured versions of themselves they play on-air, right?

Download the episode here, or listen on YouTube, and read the full transcript below.

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Burns & Allen Transcript: Gracie Takes Up Crime Solving (1947-03-06) April 14, 2019

The year is 1947. The Adventures of the Thin Man is a major hit on the radio; Stepin Fetchit is still a household name, though the actor has backed away from his movie career out of frustration with the racism in the industry; and Gracie Allen is thinking about changing genres.

This is the first of two episodes where Gracie, as a devoted fan of The Tall Man, ventures down into “the underworld” — posing as hardened criminal Gracie Catraz. She’s accompanied by Meredith Wilson (a guy so modest, he once accidentally bumped into a woman and thought “the honorable thing to do” was to marry her), doing his best to be her “moll.”

Download the episode here, or listen on YouTube, and read the transcript below.

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Burns & Allen Transcript: Kleptomaniacs (1948-10-07) March 21, 2019

The year is 1948. Ballpoint pens are invented but not common, because they cost the modern equivalent of $170 each; “How” being mistaken for “Indian language” is, unfortunately, still considered witty; and Gracie is trying to do something special for George’s birthday.

This is one of my favorite episodes when it comes to the George/Gracie relationship. For once George gets the wrong end of the stick; Gracie gets it too, but a different wrong end (it’s a complicated stick); they both end up thinking the other one is in danger, and are immediately ready to go to the mat for each other.

Download the episode here, watch on YouTube here, or read the transcript below.

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Burns & Allen Transcript: Last Year’s Christmas Bills (1947-01-09) January 15, 2019

The year is 1947. Noir films are fond of name-checking Tehachapi, currently an all-women’s prison; Magnin’s has been bought out, but stores are still using the name; and Gracie Allen is just getting the bills for her Christmas 1946 purchases.

Featuring some truly adorable financial logic (as long as it’s not being applied to your finances, anyway).

Download the episode here, listen on YouTube here, or read the transcript below.

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Burns & Allen Transcript: Matrimonial Bureau (George Sells Chicken Farm), 1946-03-14 December 24, 2018

The year is 1946. Tommy Manville is on his eighth marriage (out of an eventual thirteen); a bunch of modern car brands have been coined, but I don’t recognize any of the cleaning products; and Gracie just had a bad time trying to run a chicken ranch.

Seems like only a partial copy of the chicken-ranch episode survived. This is the still-extant sequel, in which Grassie takes up her next business. (With accidental help from Meredith Wilson and Bill Goodwin.)

Download the episode here, or listen on YouTube, and read the transcript below. (Previous transcripts.)

There’s a couple question marks left where I couldn’t quite catch a reference. If you can tell what they’re saying, please comment and let me know!

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Burns & Allen Transcript: Getting A Movie Contract (1950-01-11) December 17, 2017

It’s the first show of 1950. The country is well into recovery from World War II, Hedda Hopper and Louella Parsons are the queens of Hollywood gossip, Joe Pasternak is producing films for MGM, and the future looks bright.

So Gracie has plans to get a friend’s daughter into the movies, and she’s going to turn the rest of Hollywood upside-down to do it.

Download the episode here, or listen on YouTube, and read the transcript below.

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Burns & Allen Transcript: Married, but Single (1942-10-06) May 25, 2017

The year is 1942. Harry James and his Orchestra’s “One Dozen Roses” is a number-one hit; you need your own maps to follow the developments of WWII because all the news is on radio; and Burns and Allen just got back from a USO tour.

While settling in at home, Gracie realizes she misses their pre-marriage courtship, and urges George to help her re-enact their first date. As far as she’s concerned, it goes perfectly.

Download the episode here, and read the transcript below.

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Burns & Allen Transcript: Gracie Adopts Mickey Rooney (1949-05-19) February 26, 2017

The year is 1949. The Republicans are the left-wing party; Hialeah Park is doing a booming horse-racing business; and Mickey Rooney is best known as the adorable fresh-faced star of the Andy Hardy movies.

Also, Gracie Allen is Tumblr. This adult male actor is her son now. She adopted him, he is her child, sorry folks but she doesn’t make the rules.

Download the episode here, and read the transcript below.
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