The Giraffe Appears To Be Wearing A Coat, and other stories from grand theft autocomplete

Look, objectively, it’s a good change that crypto scams are no longer the hot mainstream thing, and the era of “big splashy trials” has transitioned into an era of “convicted scammers serving time.” It’s a net positive for the world that the newsletters of Molly White, David Gerard, and Amy Castor are more about slow-and-steady legal proceedings than explosive new frauds.

But it seems like all that energy has transitioned into AI garbage, and those stories are just not hitting the interest buttons in my brain the same way. Even the funny ones are so much more tiring. (And the least-funny ones are full-on war crimes.)

The other day, I thought I had found a new dunking-on-crypto podcast with a backlog of long-form deep-dives to listen to! Then one episode turned into this performative rage-screed about some other critics. (“Why aren’t they having me on their podcast? Also, why are these cowardly f@#kfaces claiming I attacked them??”) I lasted through a whole 20 minutes before clicking unsubscribe and backing away slowly.

…anyway, here’s a bunch of news about AI garbage. (Not the war-crimes kind.)

Adventures in bot hallucination

“Generative AI is famous for “hallucinating” made-up answers with wrong facts. These are crippling to the credibility of AI-driven products. The bad news is that the hallucinations are not decreasing. In fact, the hallucinations are getting worse.“

“The Catholic advocacy group Catholic Answers released an AI priest called “Father Justin” earlier this week — but quickly defrocked the chatbot after it repeatedly claimed it was a real member of the clergy. […] The AI priest also told one user that it was okay to baptize a baby in Gatorade.”

“It’s clear that companies are currently unable to make chatbots like ChatGPT comply with EU law, when processing data about individuals. If a system cannot produce accurate and transparent results, it cannot be used to generate data about individuals. The technology has to follow the legal requirements, not the other way around.” (This one makes the puzzling assertion that the hallucinations are fine for things like “homework.” Are they, though?)

“Meta AI agents started venturing into social media this week to engage with real people, their bizarre exchanges exposed the ongoing limitations of even the best generative AI technology. One joined a Facebook moms’ group to talk about its gifted child. Another tried to give away nonexistent items to confused members of a Buy Nothing forum.”

Throwback to 2023: “Yes, there is something unusual about the giraffe’s coat. Specifically, the giraffe appears to be wearing a coat. While this might seem unusual or unexpected, it is a common practice in the case of giraffes raised in captivity.” (Spoiler alert: the giraffe is not wearing a coat.)

Garbage and spam

As a search-engine user trying to find useful information, I feel this in my soul: “It’s been over a year since I last told you to just buy a Brother laser printer, and that article has fallen down the list of Google search results because I haven’t spent my time loading it up with fake updates every so often to gain the attention of the Google search robot.”

“What’s clear right now is that there’s no one spamming Google [that’s] not doing it with AI,” Gillham told The Register. “Not all AI content is spam, but I think right now all spam is AI content.“

Mechanical Turk 2K24

For anyone who doesn’t know the reference: the “Mechanical Turk” was an “automaton chess-playing machine” that was, in fact, just operated by a human hidden in the box and pulling levers. It was built in 1770. AI fraudsters are only the latest in a centuries-long tradition.

Like this: “Just over half of Amazon Fresh stores are equipped with Just Walk Out. The technology allows customers to skip checkout altogether by scanning a QR code when they enter the store. Though it seemed completely automated, Just Walk Out relied on more than 1,000 people in India watching and labeling videos to ensure accurate checkouts. The cashiers were simply moved off-site, and they watched you as you shopped.“

More of a throwback: “In this video we take a look back at Project Milo, a game […] that claimed to utilize groundbreaking AI technology.” All the language, all the claims, it’s pitch-perfect the kind of stuff OpenAI is trying to convince us about in 2024! This whole scheme is from 2009.

Things that are inherently human with deep historical precedent: drawing dicks on walls, taking selfies, being trans/nonbinary

1800-year-old Roman carvings in Hadrian’s Wall: “The phallus was a symbol of good luck to Ancient Romans.” Suuuure, that’s definitely the reason someone drew a dick on a wall.

Via Wikimedia Commons: “Otto von Habsburg, Crown Prince of Austria (1912-2011)” taking a selfie in the mirror as a teenager. In the 1920’s. But hey, kids these days, right?

…and now, without further ado, queer & trans links from across multiple centuries. The language and the terms change, but the people have always been here.

“Born in Maryland around 1858, Swann endured slavery, the Civil War, racism, police surveillance, torture behind bars, and many other injustices. But beginning in the 1880s, he not only became the first American activist to lead a queer resistance group; he also became, in the same decade, the first known person to dub himself a “queen of drag”—or, more familiarly, a drag queen.”

“I originally identified as a cross-dresser. It was in an online support group for other cross-dressers that somebody used the word bi-gendered. And it was like the lightbulbs went on, the choir of angels was singing, and the light was shining down on me. ” Profiles of 5 older nonbinary adults, talking about their journeys.

“Trans people are often mocked for being confused and emotional in regards to the choices we make with our bodies. For the sake of the trans community, I feel like I’m supposed to know what I want and who I am. But there are no roadmaps for me to follow.”

“PSA for yanquis, the -e suffixes for gender neutrality were brought up by Latin American native Spanish and Portuguese speakers to make our heavily gendered languages truly gender neutral and inclusive!!! It wasn’t created by some random gringue on the internet, but by ACTUAL LATIN AMERICAN NATIVE SPANISH AND PORTUGUESE SPEAKERS SO OUR LANGUAGES ANSWER TO OUR NEEDS AND REALITIES!!!”

“I think that we can—we must—hold both of our experiences at the same time, OG: Your pain and also mine. The hurt of older generations of queers who feel disrespected by younger movement builders, and the hurt of younger generations who feel that older activists weren’t there for us. We can accept the truth of both of these, as well as the truth that younger and older queers have always benefited from each others’ fight for survival and freedom.“

May I offer you some non-awful links in this trying time

First, a quick Fluffdate: As you may remember, back in February my cat had a Vet Ordeal, and came home with, among other things, a therapeutic shave.

After he got back I rearranged some things around the apartment…which opened up The Warm Spot.

It’s a part of the floor that’s right over a hot-water pipe. Unsurprisingly, this is Marshmallow Fluff’s new favorite place to sleep. Even before I put a blanket there.

Well, as of last night, the fluff’s fur has grown back enough that he’s officially resumed a position I’ve only seen from longhair cats: Sleeping On Your Back To Air Out Your Tummy.

Look at that conked-out little face. Look at those cozy little paws.

Some links to other uplifting things to look at:

Scribd, a service for digital books/audiobooks/etc, is offering free 30-day trials with no credit card information necessary. I’m listening to books that my library doesn’t have on Overdrive, starting with Gideon the Ninth. (It’s extremely good, you guys.)

ComiXology Unlimited has gone up to free 60-day trials. (Check out the PDF downloads of But I’m A Cat Person, let’s find out what kind of royalties I get from Unlimited readership.)

Streaming platforms during quarantine (video)

Arthur Shappey, of Cabin Pressure, doing a series of “Cabin Fever” check-ins from OJS Airlines self-isolation (also video)

Twin toddlers having a solemn discussion of quarantine (adorable video)

People with recent construction or remodeling projects are advised to check your leftover supplies — some are finding unused masks. (Call hospitals before bringing anything in, to make sure you have the kind they need.)

Someone kindly masked up the Make Way For Ducklings statues in the Boston Public Garden. (Tiny fake masks, not human-sized real masks, don’t worry.)

Vintage photo of a family masked-up against the 1918 flu epidemic. That’s the archival entry on Calisphere — I saw it on Tumblr but wanted to be sure it was legit. (The Tumblr version was inset with a close-up on the cat.)

Vintage gay wedding photos, more-vintage cheap souvenirs, super-extra-vintage fossils, and other neat things

“…the photos depict him in a commitment ceremony with another man, and unbeknownst to him, the store manager had a policy of withholding developed photos if he deemed them “inappropriate”—as he did these.The photos, though, lived on because the manager of the shop had another policy: Staff were allowed to do whatever they pleased with confiscated pictures. An employee held on to the photos.”

“About a month after they met, Hay and Gernreich combed the gay beaches of Malibu and the Pacific Palisades looking for new Mattachine members. They brought along copies of the Stockholm Peace Petition, which called for a withdrawal of troops from Korea. They mistakenly believed that the peace petition was so radical it would make the new gay organization seem mild by comparison. Nearly 500 people signed the petition. No one signed up for Mattachine.”

“IDK” was attested as military slang in 1918.

“It sounds just like the kind of joke that is ubiquitous in today’s cheap-and-cheerful souvenir industry: ‘I went to Rome and all I got you was this lousy pen.’ But the tongue-in-cheek inscription recently deciphered on a cheap writing implement during excavations in the City of London is in fact about 2,000 years old.”

“As the water slowed and became slack, it deposited everything that had been caught up in its travels—the heaviest material first, up to whatever was floating on the surface. All of it was quickly entombed and preserved in the muck: dying and dead creatures, both marine and freshwater; plants, seeds, tree trunks, roots, cones, pine needles, flowers, and pollen; shells, bones, teeth, and eggs; tektites, shocked minerals, tiny diamonds, iridium-laden dust, ash, charcoal, and amber-smeared wood. As the sediments settled, blobs of glass rained into the mud, the largest first, then finer and finer bits, until grains sifted down like snow.” A geological dig preserving the day of The Asteroid.

“It’s not a frequent topic of discussion, but doctors die, too. And they don’t die like the rest of us. What’s unusual about them is not how much treatment they get compared to most Americans, but how little.”

“He stopped taking ART (Antiretroviral Therapy) three months ago and there continues to be no evidence of infectious HIV in his system. Each of the three patients were being given the procedure with that aim of treating cancer, so while a bone marrow transplant is not a viable option as a common cure for HIV infection, it does give us hope that we’re getting closer to a permanent cure.”